Omigod! Who’d have thunk it? Pop tart Katy Perry and comedian Russell Brand sought out and got hitched!

I assume my invite got lost when you look at the mail.

Which is fine. We most likely could have gotten lost regarding the real means here, anyhow. My cellular phone is simply too old for almost any GPA software, aside from the one that shows some resort that is aman-i-khas the side of the Rajasthani nature reserve.

A Hindu guru,a Christian minister, two elephants named Laxmi and Mala (« Mala is a bit skittish and hates crowds but she managed to behave herself, » a source told PEOPLE), a chappy fortune-telling parrot besides, I thoroughly understand it was a small, intimate affair: just those two crazy kids, 85 of their closest friends and family–

Ok last one: and a tiger that, supposedly, has recently killed three people.

We still have actually a wedding present for them: a couple of ground guidelines for making sure their union may be one which lasts forever. Frequently we’d offer it for them face-to-face (you know, these exact things are individual) but it here since I wasn’t invited on the honeymoon either , they’ll have to read:

• 1. Never ever go to sleep mad. Talk things out very first. Then do retire for the night. Together. And without having the parrot.
• 2. Do not flirt with other people . For Katy, meaning no further kissing girls. Every other girl, as he learned in sex addiction rehab for Russell, that means no more kissing. For both of those, this means no further kissing the mirror.
• 3. Do not let your differences block the way of a thing that is good. You originated in such dissimilar backgrounds. With that comes some baggage that is heavy. Do not clear it on your own partner once you have afraid that things are not as perfect as you had hoped they would be.
• 4. Never agree with the gossip. Skillfully, you may be both at the top now. That claims one thing about your energy of fortitude, as well as your power to reach finally your goals. Well, a delighted marriage is a goal, too. Don’t allow the crap you read in the tabloids place it in a tailspin. Just keep talking and trusting.
• 5. Do not let others get between you. What this means is fans, publicists, agents, supervisors and other people who would like one to think that that which you have together isn’t any other thing more than a promotion stunt. Show them to be all incorrect. Or even for yourselves, then for average folks.

I have got a premonition about these plain things: that one’s gonna final.

But if it does not, I presume i will be invited to Katy’s divorce proceedings celebration. In that case, my present to her will little be a more expansive, and, I am sure, much appreciated: a duplicate for the Complete Idiot’s Guide to locating Mr. Right.

To make use of Russell’s parlance, it is my extremely booky wook that is own.

« Hollywoodhas got absolutely nothing in the cast of figures located in the bed room community of Paradise Heights, who’ve the secrets, intercourse, cash and scandal of an okay! Magazine address tale. Josie Brown is a talented observer whoever clever dialogue and feisty style alllow for undoubtedly entertaining reading. » –Jackie Collins, Hollywood Wives

Given, in the beginning we started initially to replace Instagram with Twitter. I’ve tried to help keep Twitter my random-thoughts-of-the-day-saver. perhaps Not overly curated. Simply thoughts. With GIFs. Because you will want to? It is maybe not for the followers – I don’t have enough for that to not sound conceited. It is because i discovered one thing funny or interesting at that time. I personally use Twitter for my activism, my PhD, might work, my learning. We simply just take regular breaks (one term – cesspool). We don’t make an effort to broadcast every thing that is funny ever took place. Simply the ones I would like to take note of and stick a GIF on. Capture that feeling, that moment, in pixels and 280 figures.

My eyes could nevertheless reap the benefits of less display time. Most of the blue-light blockers on earth won’t save my soul through the empty inspirational quotes that big brands put on their polyester two pieces or collection that is latest of notebooks. But independent music artists, buddies in faraway places, adorable dogs I’ll never pet simply because they reside an ocean away. I’ll consume those photos up, an occasion. It’s the best way We won’t burn myself out entirely.

Performing is in my own bones. I’ll always love the phase while the feeling of freedom it brings me. But, for my ego and their sanity, i am going to do my damnedest to never perform for buddies whom follow me online once more.